Sangtekst: Weird Al Yankovic. Running With Scissors. The Weird Al Show Theme.

Oh, this is a story 'bout a guy named Al
And he lived in a sewer with his hamster pal
But the sanitation workers really didn't approve
So he packed up his accordion and had to move
To a city in Ohio where he lived in a tree
And he worked in a nasal decongestant factory
And he played on the company bowling team
And every single night he had a strange, recurring dream
Where he was wearing leiderhosen in a vat of sour cream
But that's really not important to the story

Well, the very next year he met a dental hygenist
With a spatula tattoed on her arm (on her arm)
But he didn't keep in touch, then he lost her number
Then he got himself a job on a tater tot farm
And he spent his life savings on a split-level cave

20 miles below the surface of the Earth (of the Earth)
And he really makes a mighty fine jelly bean and pickle sandwich
For what it's worth

Then one day Al was in the forest, trying to get a tan
When he heard the tortured screaming of a funny little man
He was caught in a bear trap and Al set him free
And the guy that he rescued was as grateful as can be
And it turns out he's a big-shot producer on TV
So he gave Al a contract and what do you know?
Now he's got his own very Weird Al Show!