Sangtekst: Tankard. Stone Cold Sober.

Hey, liste, we're so sick of it
Fire water is the devil's drink
Don't want it, no more chugaloo
Empty Tankard? Fill it up with milk!

Minerals! Vegetables! Health food and some peppermint tea
No more of that liquod death
No more beer! No more booze! We'll play healthy metal instead

No whisky, you can have our beer
We'll be living in sobpiety
Immortal! Drinking is a sin
Prohibition is a good idea

Alcoholic days are gone - gonna fight those evil ways
Stone cold sober - gonna stick to the perrier
Alcohol is no more fun - gonna drink our tonic straight
Stone cold sober - and we're all gonna lose some weight

Don't do it! Through your beer away!
There'a a better way to have some fun
At parties, if you wanna booze
Get a six-pack of tomato juice

Minerals! Vegetables! Health food and some peppermint tea
No more of that liquod death
No more beer! No more booze! We'll play healthy metal instead

Believe it, we are clean and dry
We could play a gig at double a
Headbangers on a water binge
If you're heavy don't you drink and dive

Alcoholic days are gone - gonna fight those evil ways
Stone cold sober - gonna stick to the perrier
Alcohol is no more fun - gonna drink our tonic straight
Stone cold sober - and we're all gonna lose some weight

The future - we can see it now
Merchendizing heavy metal link
Thrash soda in the water bar
Multivitamins - we got our fill

Minerals! Vegetables! Health food and some peppermint tea
No more of that liquod death
No more beer! No more booze! We'll play healthy metal instead

Alcoholic days are gone - gonna fight those evil ways
Stone cold sober - gonna stick to the perrier
Alcohol is no more fun - gonna drink our tonic straight
Stone cold sober - and we're all gonna lose some weight